Curiosity killed the cat. But it drove me to revisit an old topic today.
Customizing someone else’s blog theme and finding its errors had me looking at HTML coding and CSS for the first time in almost a decade. Actually, back in 2006, I don’t think CSS was really big yet–at least, not to a 16, 17-year-old who was customizing blogs and personal web pages. However, I got my hands dirty and my feet wet (and my cliches lined up) and learned a thing or two about it, while refreshing my memory on basic HTML. It’s nothing harder than any Intro to Computer Programming course would offer, yet it had my head spinning, at first.
An hour later though, I was still standing. Or sitting rather. Eyes glazed over, but not asleep or stupified. I even felt a little proud of myself for having the mental capacity to even look up the tutorials, much less stay coherent and cognizant while reading them, and then, actually comprehending and using what I learned. Such moments have been few and far between for me lately.
I have had little motivation, energy, or even general interest in doing much lately. I’ve been practically forcing myself to do the bare minimum in all areas of my life (save for my job, ironically), letting many deadlines and opportunities slip by, while others are half-heartedly met. An occasional burst in strength or inner drive will cause me to do an amazing thing here and there (aka one of those things being when I started this blog). So, when I do learn something new, put my mind to something, get a big (or small) task finished, put myself out there in any way, or show some type of determination and passion like the good old days, it shows flashes and promise of the woman I used to be (by and large), and the woman I still think I can be.
Today, I read a lot about a complex topic. Today, I did something that used to come easy to me, and now, isn’t so easy. But today, I tried at something that wanted to fight back, but I kept pushing, again and again, until I finally got it. I’m no expert yet; in fact, I’m barely a beginner. But, at least I started. I learned something. And best of all maybe is that I tried. I actually tried.
And lately, for me, that’s an accomplishment.