Getting Real Honest about Weight Gain + What to Do about It

Today, on Lies I Tell Myself, I pretend I’m fine with my weight and current fitness level. I tell myself I’m doing okay, but my elevated cholesterol and BMI say otherwise. Every calorie-dense meal, every I-should-choose-something-healthier snack, I make an excuse. If I were to work out today, it would be breaking up my usual schedule of not working out.

In a haze of denial and procrastination, I sometimes have this moment of clarity: I’m overweight and really need to do something about it. I’m finally ready to do something about it. This time, I want to analyze my roadblocks and unpack years of food habits and fitness phobias to see a) where I went wrong, and b) how I can overcome it.

But let’s be clear: I want to share this from the perspective of my experience–not as a solution or formula for success. I’m not a doctor or an expert. Though I do hope to share some things that might help you if you need it, something like health and fitness is not one size fits all.

So, let’s dive in! Play along at home if you wish.

What are my goals?

I’ve talked about how weight loss as a fitness goal leads to frustration–and ultimately, giving up. Yes, losing weight is my goal, but I’m trying to think bigger than that. I want to exercise regularly for cardiovascular health and benefits like better sleep, better mood, and improved self-confidence.

Two specific, short-term goals are increased strength and flexibility. I am looking to achieve this mainly through at-home workouts and yoga. The reason I like these goals is because you can see the results of your work much faster than with something like weight loss.

Here are some examples of how I measure progress on strength and flexibility:

• Less muscle fatigue during exercises.
• Seeing muscle definition/tone or loss of sagginess/softness.
• Going deeper in a pose or posture
• More reps, more weight, more sets.
• More stamina during a set, pose, or workout.
• Decrease in hip pain, hamstring tightness, low back pain, etc.

So, to sum up, my goals are: increased strength, increased flexibility, increased cardiovascular health and stamina, increased mood and self-confidence, and also, weight loss. Not just weight loss, but it’ll hopefully be a side effect of my nutrition and workouts.

Alright, I’ve laid out my goals. Now, what’s the first step to transforming myself into the person I want to be, inside and out?

First Step to Transforming Yourself Is to Love the Way You Already Are

This seems counter-intuitive. If I loved the way I already am, I wouldn’t want to change. But I have to treat that person in the mirror like a dear friend. I have to love her and accept her now (or some version of those concepts), so that I can treat my body with care and gentleness during the process of change.

You can’t self-hate your way to a better you. If I want to overcome these physical health challenges, I need to be able to show self-compassion along the way. When setbacks happen and progress is slow, I need to be kind to myself, instead of showing judgment or disappointment in myself for not doing things perfect. There is no perfect. There is only progress.

Health and wellness isn’t a punishment. It has a wide-range of benefits, outside of just helping lose weight. Though I don’t find it particularly exciting or fun, exercising is one of the steps I must take to transform my body, inside and out. If I want the results, I have to do the work. I’m not punishing my body for being fat; I’m helping it grow stronger.

Before I transform, I have to accept the girl in the mirror for who she is. I have to love her, as is, no exceptions. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to say I love myself, but I’d like to not hate myself. That feels more accessible right now.

The best method I’ve found for approaching this “lack of self-hate” is to practice mindfulness. Acknowledging myself, my body, as it is—no judgments. Bodies are morally neutral. I just am what I am physically. Neither good nor bad. Fat or not, toned or not, I’m so much more than my physical body anyway. I’m a multi-faceted, flawed, interesting, human mosaic of traits and accomplishments. I don’t have to be stick thin or model gorgeous to be worthy of self-care or gentle treatment. You don’t either.

I’ve tried being in denial. I’ve tried being insanely hard on myself. That hasn’t worked. Let’s see what this new approach has to offer.

So what challenges lie ahead? (And how to fix them)

What’s going to stop me from reaching my goals? And how can I pre-emptively solve the problem?

Not feeling like it/lacking motivation

You know how some people talk about their workouts or active lifestyle, as though they really, truly enjoy it? Yeah, couldn’t be me. Imagine enjoying beating up your body down. People who annoyingly make health and fitness their entire personality seem to do so effortlessly. They genuinely do enjoy it, like some psychopath, and I’m jealous. Nothing feels more like a chore to me than knowing it’s a workout day where I actually have to put in some effort. Despite enjoying the benefits and even loving the feeling afterward of a good workout, the initial need for motivation or “feeling like” doing it is a massive obstacle for me. I can’t understate this. It’s like pushing a boulder up a hill while chained to a 10 ton weight.

The Counter Plan

To combat this, I am continually reminding myself of two things: 1) I am not my feelings, and 2) feelings aren’t forever. While they are an intrinsic and important part of life and humanity, they aren’t going to help me workout. I shouldn’t listen to my feelings when it’s time to workout. Sure, there are absolutely days when I should listen to my mind and body and take a self-care day. But, also, it’s important to note that often the better self-care is to make myself workout.

This is where James Clear’s advice from Atomic Habits comes in handy. He recommends doing implementation intention as one way to establish a habit. It’s less about being in the mood to do the thing and more about setting up a schedule and establishing your intention. You write down your intention to do a specific habit at a specific time. For me, this can be putting it on the calendar or on my agenda app. I’m going to do strength training on Monday and Wednesday at 6pm and Yoga Tuesday and Thursday at 6pm. That way I don’t decide to do it–I’m just going by my schedule. Oh, look, it’s 6pm–time to work out!

Energy and fatigue levels

It’s extremely hard to do anything if you’re too tired or not feeling well. How do you just give yourself more energy? Well, you don’t. The best alternative I can find is to simply replenish what I can after work. The challenge becomes how do I do this without sinking into the couch for—oh, shit, it’s been 3 hours? Where did the time go!

The Counter Plan

I had to figure out what replenishes me personally. I might go for a more laid-back approach—watching a TV show or listening to music while curled up in bed for a bit. For a more energetic transition, I find it’s best when I do something mentally stimulating, but not too difficult. This includes things like: practicing Italian, getting a jump on household chores while watching YouTube videos, journaling for a couple minutes, or meditating. Something that’s just stimulating enough that it won’t let me lose every ounce of motivation. Sometimes the laid-back approach backfires on me, honestly. Either way, at a designated time, I start doing the next thing on my list. Usually I give myself at least an hour. Whether the next thing is more mentally-consuming projects or, in this case, it would be jumping to my workout, I always set a time to transition to the harder activity. This would pair nicely with my implementation intention, mentioned above.

Getting food delivered instead of cooking at home

Obviously the biggest way to fix this one is to just stop eating out. Duh. In the interim, I’ve tried to make healthier choices when eating out. For example, not getting fries or opting for a salad instead of a burger. But restaurants give huge portions and use tons of processed ingredients for the sake of freshness. It often feels like a net negative, no matter what I do. For example, some places carry salads with higher calorie counts than their sandwiches. It’s just so convenient, albeit more expensive, to have someone bring my food to me. Is it my willpower and cravings though? Or is there a solution?

The Plan: This one should be pretty simple. Delete UberEats and cancel my UberOne subscription. For help with eating at home, my plan is to double-down on meal planning and meal prep. I struggle most with eating out when I’m bored with (or worse, feeling averse to) my at-home food options. And I will absolutely drag my feet and order delivery if the choices are go to the store or order UberEats. Ditto if my choices are to make a big, time-consuming meal or order UberEats. So, I’m going to keep a variety of easy-to-prepare, delicious meals on hand. I’ll switch this up if I’ve been craving pizza or Taco Bell, for example. I tend to stick to the same foods until I hate them, but that’s leading to negative consequences. The key is to also consistently keep this variety of stuff stocked, despite my hatred for the store. That’s when order pickup can come in clutch.

The Execution

Okay that’s a terrible title for this section. Or is it perfect? Because working out feels like death.

So, I’ve talked about my goals and the challenges I’m going to face, plus how to overcome the obstacles. But actually executing the plan–what’s that going to look like?

Workouts

These will be the pool of exercises I pick from during workouts:

Yoga, YouTube bodyweight/cardio workouts, resistance bands workouts, and pre-made workouts from Caliber, Noom, and NerdFitness that I’ve saved.

When I can, I’ll be attending yoga classes in person.

I’ll be implementing as much walking as I can during the day, too.

Schedule

My workout schedule will be evenings (M-F) and some mornings (Sa-Su). Typically, starting at 6-7pm.

My initial goal is to do strength training 2x a week. In the past, that’s been the max I can do because of how sore I get. Then, it will be increased to 3x per week. I’ll be doing yoga for flexibility, walking, and cardio workouts 4-5 days a week. I’m not currently going to put a goal or expectation on this right now, but I expect to do it at 6pm at least 4x per week with no specific goal for how long. If it feels like I’m slacking, I’ll buckle down on those goals.

Nutrition

In addition to limiting my use of delivery food apps, I’m going to ensure I a) have enough food on hand so that I have options instead of eating out, and b) that I maintain enough desirable variety so that I’m satisfied with what I have at home.

Additionally, I’ll be using a meal tracker/calorie counter app called Lose It! to log my meals.

Accountability

Ideally, I would have a workout buddy, or someone to personally keep me motivated and share updates with. In lieu of that, I’m going to be posting my journey on Instagram and Reddit. I’ll also see about joining specific fitness groups or communities, but I feel the fitness hashtag on Instagram and specific subreddits on Reddit will more than fill that gap. I could be wrong though.

Follow my fitness journey on Instagram @startnowjess. You can also check out my Reddit account, u/JessDoesStuff, if you so desire.

Final Thoughts

I’ve been down this path before. I know it’s doable. Changing my eating habits feels the most accessible, whereas regularly working out feels less like me. However, with my plan here, and breaking this into small, achievable workouts (no hour-long strength training sessions for me yet), it feels a lot more accessible. I’m also excited to get back to walking regularly, even though it’s the dead of summer. Walking is such a great, low-impact way to burn extra calories and strengthen cardiovascular health. Yoga has also been a core part of my life that I come back to over and over. I’m excited to get back to a studio, in addition to doing an at-home practice.

I’m encouraged, confident, and motivated! Who’s with me?