Anicca, known as anitya in Sanskrit, is a Buddhist concept that means impermanence. Along with anatta (insubstantiality) and dukka (suffering), anicca is one of three doctrines that comprise the marks of existence in Buddhism. These things are considered universal, unchanging truths to Buddhists. Understanding and practicing these concepts is, among other things, about accepting one’s impermanence on Earth. In fact, everything is impermanent.
While that’s an oversimplification for the sake of this blog, I think the beautiful thing about religious, spiritual, or philosophical concepts is how pliable and applicable we can make them to our lives. Though I’m not religious, I take what I can use from any source.
I think there’s a lot to learn from Buddhism, no matter what religion (or lack thereof) you subscribe to. The Four Noble Truths address suffering in human existence, for example, which is a universal experience.
Suffering is something I’m closely familiar. I think we all are to some degree. A lot of suffering was at my own hand—due to lack of coping skills and making situations worse. I’ve struggled with emotional regulation over the years and mental health issues. But regardless of the reason, I found myself suffering.
As I was learning emotional regulation, through self-help and therapy, three of the techniques I learned early on to help cope with emotions were: mindfulness, naming the emotion, and treating emotions like waves.
I want to talk about those three techniques and how they relate to the concept of anicca.
Mindfulness
Even if you’re not entirely sure what mindfulness is, you’ve definitely heard of it. It’s the simple practice of taking in the moment, as it is, without judgment. You can practice it by doing one activity, instead of multi-tasking. Your mind is fully focused on that activity. It’s simple in theory, but harder in execution. I, for one, love to multitask. Listening to music or watching YouTube while I clean or eat dinner are the two biggest offenses. But what happens if I am to observe mindfully the task I’m doing, instead of occupying my mind? Well, I might notice things about the task I hadn’t before, I might even appreciate it more, I might feel a sense of calmness, or any number of other emotions. I might find it scary to be alone with my thoughts; I might find it difficult and uncomfortable.
Mindfulness, as it relates to emotional regulation, is all about non-judgmental awareness. If you can practice the skill of mindfulness during every day, mundane tasks, it’s easier to apply to more critical situations — like an emotional crisis or intense feelings. That’s the goal: to become mindful of your emotions and sit with them, nonjudgmentally, before making any rash decisions.
Practicing mindfulness is exactly that — a practice. It’s not something to master instantly. It can be tricky the first few times. But once you get the hang of it, it can help with the next two aspects of emotional regulation that I learned:
Naming the Emotion
I used to hate admitting I was feeling jealous. I’d rather shove down the emotion and rage out, instead of just admitting I was jealous. Learning to embrace that emotion and name it was so freeing. Once you can name and embrace that emotion, you can work on releasing it. You can not confront an emotion that you push away. It can only pass with acceptance.
Maybe this skill comes easily to you. Maybe you struggle to acknowledge and accept your emotions. Maybe you’re unaware of what your emotions even are. I struggled with a combination of these, depending on the circumstance.
Naming emotions first comes with awareness. Mindfully, non-judgmentally, observing our feelings and describing them. One way to get in touch with these feelings is to do a body scan. Essentially, you’re scanning through every section of your body to get in touch with any tension, pain, or discomfort. This is because emotions are often stored in the body and noticing tension in your shoulders, for example, might help you realize you’re feeling stressed or anxious. This link breaks down how to do a body scan in a variety of different ways.
Additionally, an emotions wheel is extremely helpful in pinpointing the exact emotion you might be feeling.
Now, we’re ready for the final step, which was the hardest for me, and still is the hardest.
Treating Emotions like Waves
I used to think I’d always feel the way I felt. That a big, negative wave of jealousy, rage, or intense sadness would just hang like a cloud over me forever. It was life-changing to start seeing emotions like waves of the ocean. They come and go. They become less intense. They will fade, no matter how strong they feel at the time.
With this knowledge, we can work to accept the impermanence of emotions. That this too shall pass. That’s not to invalidate or trivialize any negative or intense feelings. It’s to comfort the soul that nothing can last forever.
In the case of clinical depression, or other serious mental health conditions, it takes the intervention of doctors and medication to change the mindset and help challenge those difficult emotions. But in many cases, if not most, the emotional self can be conquered.
DBT gives us many skills to help us ride the waves of our emotions. Two of the best ways are distraction and self-soothing techniques You can probably guess from their names alone that they involve either distracting or soothing yourself. This will be highly individual to the person; what’s comforting or distracting for me might not work for you.
If you need some ideas for distracting activities, this link might help. Some examples are going for a walk, eating your favorite snack, or watching standup comedy. Likewise, here’s a link of soothing activity suggestions, with some examples being: light a scented candle, wrapping yourself in a blanket, or starting a collection of beautiful, soothing photos.
Some of my favorite activities to distract include watching YouTube, messaging a friend, or playing video games. Self-soothing for me looks like taking a bath, hugging my stuffed animals, or listening to smooth jazz.
I find the concept of anicca to be a beautiful truth about existence. Though none of us like to be confronted with the concepts of death and mortality, I think there’s a more soothing, light-hearted message contained within this Buddhist doctrine.
If nothing is permanent, that means our emotions aren’t permanent. How you feel now won’t be how you feel forever. Whether you’re experiencing the best day of your life or worst, all things will change. It’s the nature of humanity, like a law of the universe. Things are constantly growing, changing, dying, moving, and being born.
There is something beautiful about the circle of life. Something beautiful about impermanence.
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